new year is coming!

merry christmas beautiful people! what santa gave you for christmas this year? me naked hot man under the xmas tree... no i lie

so we are counting down to the new year, ga berasa ya bok 2013 udah dilaluin dengan segala rutinitas yang ada, pekerjaan, persahabatan, pergebetan yang ga sampe sampe jadi pacar, one night stand with stranger, broken heart, laugh and tears... ah all of that stuff just make us become stronger right?

im starting to list down my wishes or bahasa kerennya new year resolution for 2014.. while im getting old  i need to prepare my future seriously... i dont want to focus on "searching for mr.right" anymore. so please remind me if i feel so blue because of my single status hahaha.. f!

focus on work and how to get me back on my shape is way more important i think..

so happy listing down your resolution for 2014.. remember a new year means welcoming new age and fucking wringkles hahahaha

cheers

Bull bull Bully!!!!

How to banish bullying actually? we just can't avoid it, i mean everywhere there must be a guy with these attitude... 

"No body but u your self can destroy your life" my boss once told me after this horrible guy at the office try to make a joke by mocking me on how the way i walk... 

Been there done that shit like whole of my life. What he did to me, bring back my memories to school environment where kids still haven't got any knowledge about how to treat and respect another. 

I thought i can handle it, i mean been there situation like much.. so i think i can taking care and control my emotion but dude am just human with dynamic emotion over here... i have such a limitation of patience and understanding... it starts from a joke and then it turns to humiliated me. 

Some people are sensitive, over sensitive, some others have no sensitivity nor empathy. Then i feel sorry for them. 

I don't know how to react, but feeling anger and sad, like very sad.

But then what we can do, can we do something to banish bullying especially in our society?

as i remember there's this word of life "treating others the way you want to be treated"

Evening Tears

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking
I am waiting as the time goes by
I think of you with every breath I take
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine
You're all I see in everything

I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

All the fears you feel inside
And all the tears you've cried
They're ending right here
I'll heal your hardened soul
I'll keep you oh so close
Don’t worry; I'll never let you go
You're all I need
You're everything
I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

No one else would ever do
I've got a stubborn heart for you
Call me crazy but it's true
I love you
I didn't think that it would be you who made it clear to me
You're all I need

I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

-David Choi... By My Side-

If you read this, where ever you are even ur in heaven or hell maybe... i miss you really much

bla bla bla

Happy Weekend my dear...

How's life treat you? Been a week after quite busy working days, finally touch down the weekend...
I'm trying this coffee shop near my house, hmm quite cozy, but maybe the smoking area is very very deserted, kinda lonesome there... so after finished my 4th cigar i went down for the lil bit crowd on lower ground.. Well at least there're 5 people here with the baristas. Duh gw jadi pengen buka Cafe deeeh kalo gini.. Cafe yang homy trus nuansa oldies gitu yah jadi kayak Our's Cafe dulu jaman di Semarang, trus gw tambahin salon or maybe spa

anyway i start doing yoga since last week, i attended twice last week and i feel bliss... I dont know much about Yoga, but like i said, i feel bliss, so calm, relax, and get what i think my body need... I join the Hatha Yoga twice and curious about more class

i Visited this site http://www.poweryoga.com/power-yoga-basics/ it says
"The fact is, we're all different: different faces, shapes, sizes, personalities, etc.... We all shouldn't have and can't have the same bodies. Our life experiences and genetic dispositions make us different. Real health and vitality comes when we stop comparing and competing with each other, and start listening to the voice within that tells us what we need. We don't need to have the "best body;" we need to have our own body. By turning off the controlling mind, we can finally listen to the innate wisdom that waits to be heard."

Cant wait for the next class...

Namaste

It's to complete not to compete

a friend at work suddenly came to my cubical this day, have a little chit-chat and then he told me

"i came to work to complete not to compete"

Nothing i said but smile, wide smile, and in my heart i said glorious to those words! 

It back remind me that Slow baby Slow, Take it Slow... Enjoy, feel it... like a beat, like a rhythm of a music.

I WANT DANCE!

HOW I MISS THE DANCE FLOOR...

DANCE FREELY

LAUGH

SHOUT OUT LOUD

SEXY MOVE

SEXY TOUCH

FLIRT

DANCE...

DANCE....

LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING

treadmill makes me happy! (man makes me happier)

Who loves to take an exercise rise your hands up! 

I just came home from taking an hours at gym while actually i have some flue, but you know dear i feel way so happy and my body feels like much better, i believe tomorrow after my beauty sleep i will be healed from this virus. 

my favorite gym tool is treadmill i can take an hour there or minimum 30 minutes/day, and my other favorite or maybe should i said the most favorite things is the guy... yeah i dont believe when someone went to gym 100 % just for takin some exercise, yeah rite that's nonsense.. i went to the gym 80% for body exercise and 20% for soul exercise, if you know what i mean :p 

Anybody who comes with ideas to put lot of mirrors on gym are Brilliant! once i get caught with my PT when my eyes had some exercise to handsome guy next to me, and then i heard my PT suddenly said "Fokus! mata fokus! mata!" oh Lord i feel like maling ketangkep basah dan siap diadili oleh masyarakat :))

Screening around to the floor i caught this guy, hmmm 20 something i guess, this koko brondong unyu have very ideal (for me) lean body mass.. when my eyes meet his eyes, i look from head to toe and it's just "uhuy" moment for me.... i'm melting! oh no i just remember, i ever met this koko before at locker room, his locker is right beside mine and i dont think i was into him that time, i dont know maybe dia belom pasang susuk pada saat gw ketemu di locker room :p

One big day become memory, when i was on sauna room, he saw me sat alone, he came to sauna room, and sat beside me... i can smell his perfume, it's chocolate (well im using tropical coffee, dont we very match?! we could be a  mocha... uhlala cafe mocha.. romantic) it's like i hold my breath, i dont want to breath oh dear lord i need napas buatan from him.. but then all this pdkt moment became buyar when om om gendut suddenly came to the room and join with us... ah damn! he ruin everything, my day dreaming :(

i think i know his schedule, monday to friday 6 pm... but today i didn't see him, maybe he went for mudik lebaran.. 

oh dear, if he's my destiny, i will sing a gospel song on church hahaha

teruntuk : koko brondong ganteng yang wangi coklat 

Self Challenge

"lemak is sexy kak... cuma Anjing yang doyan tulang!"

that's a quote from my friend on path... yeah i'm addicted to path now, since we know friendster, facebook, twitter now here comes path, i dont know what next will be the boom on socmed.. anyway back on the quote, i'm laugh and happy when i read that "... cuma Anjing yang doyan tulang" implicit something rite? :p
i am proud to have lemak on my body! :))

Been there done that, from 98 kilos to 60 now im 86 that's the number of my F weight for 26 years i live in this cruel yet so beautiful world. The process of losing weight is so torturing kinda tired to tell how i reach 60 from 98, but lemme tell you something that environment is holding very huge-psychological impact (unconsciously) to push me losing my weight (that time) so i can reach the 60. In other side gaining weight is so joyful moment, without target nor pressure just eat what you wanna eat, freely, happily and voila im 86 :))
like i've told before that environment is holding the very huge role, it start bugging me again. lots of joke, lots of cynical glimpse.. i was okey at first, like who cares, i still have an F, we chubb people absolutely got market, know Growlr application? LOL... but then i realized i HAVE NO FIT SHIRT - MY HOT PANTS JUST DONT FIT ANYMORE which means ITS A WORLD DISASTER! so this one day at office when i met a user, i came into his office, sit on a chair, listened what he said  and i feel "Engeb" (couldn't breath easily) and i could't get what my user said and asked me. when i walked out from his place, i decided to back on the right track, i need an exorcism for every over appetite that seduce me so i always come into the very delicious yummy fatty food over and over again.
Now i'm on training program, dont wanna call it as diet program, i call it healthy program, as losing weight become the plus that i will get.

I came to the gym after office hours around 7 pm start with changing the shirt, and put my running shoes on and then walk pretentiously to the treadmill lol... treadmill makes me happy!  (but man makes me happier) hahaha... 45 minutes on treadmill, some butt exercise, do the sit up, and then back on treadmill for 15 mnts.

I challenge my self to be more healthier and sexier, 68 with sexy butt by the end of 2013
can i?
Yes I can

a Hello

Hellow BlogWorld how you doin'? hope life treat us very well...

Been a year work at new place after the pharmacy industry, it's a lovely environment they accept me just the way i am with all my uniqueness.. kinda enjoy my job but still there always up and down. lot of assignment over me, i should find many candidates and offer them to the user... Damn how could i found the best one for another if i couldnt found just one for my self. But as i told i kinda enjoy it, i love meet new people, experienced or fresh graduate, interview them (i prefer to call it chit chat to interview). Always got something from them, and errtime i saw their eyes i saw Hope. Yes Hope just the same with me when i was on their position as a job seeker. Well i will wrote a lot about them on my next posty.

Oiya now im on diet programme since i lost control on my weight and it reach 80 something kilos now (yes shit happen dude!). Disaster. well i dont want to make it stressful, the aim isn't to make it slim to zero size, the main purpose is to become healthier than before (I lie) the main purpose is to find my future husband and find the way to live happily ever after. Fin

It Takes Two To Tango

This evening i met big guy in denial and he said "better to have fuck than a relationship"

"Yeah, at the end you need a relationship 

to face all the fuck situation in your life"

IT'S BROWNIE, IT'S SWEET

Hellow weekend...

So i start my weekend on saturday by slept all day long, got more than satisfied but when i awake i felt loosing something.. i should get more than just slept all day, i should go outside, meet some friends, or maybe make love lol... but i take the positive side, well my sexy body need to get maximum rest time on saturday.

Here we go sunday, last day on weekend, dont wanna wasted it so i awake, jump from my bed, and asked my mom where did she keep all d ingredients to bake a cake. Yes im gonna bake a cake!! 

even i dont have a husband or boyfriend to be treated by the sweet cake of mine *omg dont get me wrong* :)) :)) LOL..  Google help me a lot by gave me this recipe

Ingredients
Soft butter, for greasing the pan
Flour, for dusting the buttered pan
4 large eggs
1 cup sugar, sifted
1 cup brown sugar, sifted
8 ounces melted butter
11/4 cups cocoa, sifted
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup flour, sifted
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
Directions
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. Butter and flour an 8-inch square pan.

In a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, beat the eggs at medium speed until fluffy and light yellow. Add both sugars. Add remaining ingredients, and mix to combine.

Pour the batter into a greased and floured 8-inch square pan and bake for 45 minutes. Check for doneness with the tried-and-true toothpick method: a toothpick inserted into the center of the pan should come out clean. When it's done, remove to a rack to cool. Resist the temptation to cut into it until it's mostly cool.

Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/cocoa-brownies-recipe/index.html?oc=linkback



I like to do some experiment, so i put more coffee and cheese into the dough..i'd love to add some rum, but we ran out of it :( ... hmmm i forgot to put kosher salt and vanilla extract but the taste is still yumm-oo 

Ulalalaaaaa.... Here we gooo browniee cheesechip by me, it's lovely to eat this with a cup of lemon tea to accompany my sunday (still with no boyfriend) *sigh* LOL

SuperHuman

Gw udah lama banget ga update status di facebook, cuma hari ini, gw iseng buka fb dan ada status salah satu teman baik gw

"if he is gone after had sex, it means he's not truly into you. Just forget it."

dan komen di bawah status temen gw bilang :

"What's wrong with pure and uninhibited sexual pleasure? Why always complicate matters with such trivial things as "dreaming of a hubby and a man who truly understands me" when the fact of the matter is, that we're all much better off alone.."

Well... Status dari teman gw itu mengingatkan pada film he's not that into you, yang juga bilang "if he's never call you back since the day you had sex with him, he's not into you!"

buat gw pribadi butuh waktu buat nerima kenyataan bahwa "yaudahlah cong, dia ga demen ama lo, get over it! move on!" dan sepertinya gw udah mulai terbiasa dengan itu, so if someone never call me back after we met, adioos amigoos *lambai tangan putri indonesia*

Cong dan Pere mungkin punya perasaan yang hampir sama, kita akan selalu merasa bahwa we absolutely want more and need more than just a one night stand! There's a chance of every one night stand to finally meet a right man, mr.right, mr. destiny, mr. my hubby soon to be!

Tapi ternyata tidak demikian dengan apa yang dipikirkan oleh laki-laki.. One night stand is just one night stand, it's just a sexual pleasure, after i cum i feel happy and then bye, i dont want u more, i will seek another challenge. 

Dan yang gw kaget dari komen atas status temen gw di fb itu adalah kalimat akhir "... we're all much better off alone" 

REALLY???
DONT YOU GUYS EVER FEEL SO LONELY?

OR YOUR LONELINESS WILL CURED BY A BOTTLE OF BEER AND CIGAR?

So man is actually a superhuman, they never feel lonely but horny and sexual arousal is their weakness 

aku dalam proses taaruf

"Ceceu... ekke ada kabar berita buat yey.."
"Apaan sih?"
"Ini masalah hidup mati lo, masalah masa depan lo!"
"yaolooooh teteeeh mabok lo ya? apaaaan?
"ekke mau ngejodohin lo !!!..."

-staight face-lalu tertawa terpingkalpingkal-

Weekend ini harusnya gw ada "date" sama seseorang yang bakal dikenalin sama sahabat gw dari kantor lama, duh ceritanya sahabat gw itu mau ngejodohin gw ama temen dari temennya dia, dalam perjodohan ini gw sama sekali belum dikasih nomer hp ataupun pin bb, gw jadi merasa sedang berada pada proses taaruf deh...  tapi karena masih rempong tuh cowo yang mau dijodohin ke gw jadi hari ini proses pertemuan pun gagal.

"Maaf ya ceceu... kata temen gw si dia lagi rempong banget, jadi buat ketemuannya dipending dulu yaaa... duh susah amat yak ngawinin orang!"
"Ya teteh ga apa-apa, kalau emang jodoh ga kemana kok"

Gila ga sih wise banget gw, kesambet jin iprit kali ya "kalau jodoh ga kemana..." lah emang bener dong kalau  dia emang digariskan oleh Penguasa langit dan bumi buat jadi jodoh gw maka terjadilah, kalau belum ya maka belumlah :')

well ayo kita lihat apakah proses taaruf ini berjalan dengan lancar...
hahhahaha

Tuhan masih sayang

"Kesehatan itu mahal harganya"

Kayaknya berjuta-juta umat udah sering banget ngomongin kutipan di atas, kalau menurut gw bukan mahal tapi tak ternilai harganya. 

Masih berasa kok rasanya lemes, demam sampai harus diopname selama seminggu gara-gara trombosit yang turun dan amandel yang kanan kiri udah membengkak sampai nempel. Kebayang selama di RS, Neraka udah menganga di depan muka gw. Serem kan bok!

Gw cuma bisa berdoa, istirahat, minum obat dokter dan berserah. Mendadak mengutarakan kata 'Tobat' di dalam hati. Kapok sakit. 

Ga bisa makan goreng-gorengan crunchy

Ga bisa makan pedes-pedes

Ga bisa makan asem-asem

Ga bisa ngebeer

Ga bertenaga untuk jalan-jalan ke mall

Ga bertenaga untuk nonton

Ga bertenaga untuk kongkow ketawa-tawa sama teman-teman

Setelah seminggu berkelana di ranjang RS yang dingin dan menyeramkan, akhirnya gw diijinkan pulang, dengan catatan harus kembali kontrol 3 hari setelah di rawat di rumah. Cobaan datang lagi, pagi ketika dengan riang gembira akan pergi ke kantor tiba-tiba motor yang gw kendarai selip waktu mau nyalip truck.. dan ambruk lah gw dengan backsound "Better Man" dari Robbie Williams. 

Tuhan masih sayang banget sama gw, tubuh gw tepat di samping truck besar gagah perkasa, hanya celana bahan panjang yang sobek dan kaki kiri yang terasa nyeri-ngilu, berusaha bangkit ditolong warga sekitar. 

Shock... memutuskan untuk kembali ke rumah.

Pengalaman yang sangat berharga, 

Tuhan masih sayang...

Mengandung Alkohol +/- 4,9%

"Merayakan tahun baru, untuk apa?" - dosen pembimbing waktu kuliah dulu

Saya gak merayakan tahun baru, saat semuanya pada ketawa ketiwi di beranda rumah, saya terlelap tidur...
Sambil menuju nyenyaknya tidur sambil melukin guling, saya mengucap syukur betapa di tahun 2012 beberapa hal yang sangat saya inginkan bisa terjadi dalam hidup saya, diijinkan oleh Tuhan untuk beneran terjadi. Disamping itu Tuhan juga mengijinkan hal-hal yang saya gak pingin dan saya ga suka juga terjadi dalam hidup saya.. Komplit!

Saya masih suka menangis di jalan sepulang kerja, bukan karena dimarahin bos yah... bos saya sangat baik.
saya menangis... seandainya seseorang yang saya sayang selama tahun 2011 hingga awal 2012 masih ada disini... saya bisa cerita semuanya yang terjadi dalam satu hari ke dia. Hati saya masih sangat lemah.
Saya terkadang mengutukinya, menyalahkannya kenapa pergi sangat cepat, meninggalkan saya yang semakin hari semakin gemuk, dia pasti suka.

Rokok terakhir, gelas beer terakhir, sudah jam 12 tanggal 3 Januari 2012...
Perutku kapan kempesnya, celana 32ku kapan bisa muatnya lagi?
Kangen ketawa ngakak sampe mau beranak.
Kangen kamu yang bikin aku gemuk tapi kita ga mungkin bisa ketemu lagi, udah beda dimensi
Kangen kamu juga yang bikin aku kurus, kita masih bisa ketemu... Rumah kita kan ga terlalu jauh... but im not your type :)